Dear Movie Studios,
You’re desperate for ideas. How do I know this? First sequels, then threequels, remakes, and now movies based on board games. It seems as though you’ve squeezed the last bit of juice out of those wrinkly raisins you call brains.
WORRY NOT, STUDIO EXECUTIVES! I’m here to save your jobs and save the movie industry. May I present to you…
5 MOVIE IDEAS BASED ON OFFICE SUPPLIES!
1.) PENCIL – THE MOVIE! Join Pete Pencil, the dullest pencil in the box, as he journeys across country to New York City, where he hopes to re-unite with his lost love, Stacy Sharpener! Along the way he meets some wacky characters, like Poopy Printer! But watch out Pete, because EVIL PEN is looking to take your place! (note: this is a drama.)
2.) DUST RAG – THE MOVIE! Dusty the Dust Rag is an obsessive complusive cleaner. “Keep those desks dust free” – that’s his catch phrase. But chaos ensues when Dusty’s building is abandoned by the Zombie Apocalypse! Can he keep all the desks clean despite the growing decay of time and human flesh? (note: this is an indie film.)
3.) EXTENSION CORD – THE MOVIE! Ernest Extension has always been the shortest extension cord of his whole family; no one ever needs extending from him. When Ernest hears the legend of the great extension cord extender, he leaves Best Buy and heads to Japan, where all kinds of crazy technological shit is possible! Along the way he learns that maybe it’s true – size DOESN’T MATTER. (note: yes it does.)
4. ) CONFERENCE TABLE – THE MOVIE! When you’re a conference table, you’re top dog, and Carlton Conference knows it. He’s been a part of Rocket Corp’s biggest mergers. But when he witnesses a murder, everyone’s after him. One by one, Carlton’s chairs disappear. He’s always loved being on the inside, but now Carlton is a danger to himself because of WHAT HE KNOWS. (note: the table will be CG. Everything else will be live action.)
5.) FAX MACHINE – THE MOVIE! Fergus Fax is a machine from another era. In the age of the Scanner, Fergus is all but left behind. But when that smart ass scanner breaks, it’s up to Fergus to get a message to the President of the United States! His LCD may be greyscale, and his toner may be dry, but this machine’s still got a few tricks in his processor. To all the haters, Fergus says, “Fax you!”. (note: This movie rated R for scenes of graphic sex.)
by Alec Wells