First question: What the hell is a Bitcoin? In a nutshell, it’s a digital currency that is going to revolutionize the world. Here’s a handy-dandy FAQ about Bitcoins if you are completely lost.
1) Now you can buy drugs.
Always wanted to buy a handful of marijuana leaves or a sock full of crack cocaine? If drugs were sold this way, you’d totally be able to. The transactions seem reminiscent of that time in middle school when you paid the fat kid with the divorced parents a twenty dollar bill to score you some pot. But in the same way that the fat kid could disappear, bring you a bag of oregano, or actually deliver the drugs you needed to conform, your online salesman can make any of the same choices.
2) Don’t want to pay taxes? Get paid in BTC.
Think the IRS is going to be able to track your bitcoin income?? HAHAHA!!! They still use Internet Explorer 6 over there… do you think they’ve even HEARD of bitcoins?!? The reality is that if your transactions take place with bitcoins, it’s even easier to hide than cash. Rather than stuff the mattress you can just load up your jump drive and stick in your pocket (or your mattress for old time’s sake).
3) Every time your computer crashes you will be broke again.
Might I suggest upgrading from your poorly-engineered, easily-hacked, Windows-based piece of shit? Because your coins can only be in one location at a time and are stored on your hard drive, if your computer crashes, the money is gone. You can move your bitcoins back and forth pretty easily if you’re having troubles with your PC, but if your monthly allowance is on your laptop, I wouldn’t be drinking Four Loko too close to it because one spill could bankrupt your virtual wallet.
4) You play a no-risk lottery every day.
Coins are created at regular intervals and if you have selected “Generate Coins” then there is a chance that the next time you check Bitcoin program, you will be sitting on 50 freshly (digitally) minted BTC. Sure, the people who are running super-computers and “mining” are significantly more likely to score the digital cash before you are. And sure, as the difficulty changes over time to compensate for the amount of people generating coins your chances will dwindle from incredibly rare to infinitesimal. But that’s like the real lottery anyway.
5) You’ll forget the value of the dollar.
Besides the fact that the value of Bitcoins are extremely volatile, as you gradually shift more and more of your life and money into the shadow economy, the dollar will become as obsolete as a Tamagotchi. Hell, with our current policies in place, the dollar may not have any value soon enough anyway. Might as well go ahead and convert to Bitcoins!