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5 Ways Bitcoins Will Change Your Life

First question: What the hell is a Bitcoin?  In a nutshell, it’s a digital currency that is going to revolutionize the world.  Here’s a handy-dandy FAQ about Bitcoins if you are completely lost.

1) Now you can buy drugs.

Always wanted to buy a handful of marijuana leaves or a sock full of crack cocaine?  If drugs were sold this way, you’d totally be able to.  The transactions seem reminiscent of that time in middle school when you paid the fat kid with the divorced parents a twenty dollar bill to score you some pot.  But in the same way that the fat kid could disappear, bring you a bag of oregano, or actually deliver the drugs you needed to conform, your online salesman can make any of the same choices.

2) Don’t want to pay taxes? Get paid in BTC.

Think the IRS is going to be able to track your bitcoin income??  HAHAHA!!! They still use Internet Explorer 6 over there… do you think they’ve even HEARD of bitcoins?!?  The reality is that if your transactions take place with bitcoins, it’s even easier to hide than cash.  Rather than stuff the mattress you can just load up your jump drive and stick in your pocket (or your mattress for old time’s sake).

3) Every time your computer crashes you will be broke again.

Might I suggest upgrading from your poorly-engineered, easily-hacked, Windows-based piece of shit?  Because your coins can only be in one location at a time and are stored on your hard drive, if your computer crashes, the money is gone.  You can move your bitcoins back and forth pretty easily if you’re having troubles with your PC, but if your monthly allowance is on your laptop, I wouldn’t be drinking Four Loko too close to it because one spill could bankrupt your virtual wallet.

4) You play a no-risk lottery every day.

Coins are created at regular intervals and if you have selected “Generate Coins” then there is a chance that the next time you check Bitcoin program, you will be sitting on 50 freshly (digitally) minted BTC.  Sure, the people who are running super-computers and “mining” are significantly more likely to score the digital cash before you are.  And sure, as the difficulty changes over time to compensate for the amount of people generating coins your chances will dwindle from incredibly rare to infinitesimal.  But that’s like the real lottery anyway.

5) You’ll forget the value of the dollar.

Besides the fact that the value of Bitcoins are extremely volatile, as you gradually shift more and more of your life and money into the shadow economy, the dollar will become as obsolete as a Tamagotchi.  Hell, with our current policies in place, the dollar may not have any value soon enough anyway.  Might as well go ahead and convert to Bitcoins!

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by CC Pearce
a guy who got really sketchy while researching this article

8 thoughts on “5 Ways Bitcoins Will Change Your Life”

  1. 1. Yep, google the silk road. Already happening my friend.

    2. If done right, it is, but by default it’s pretty easy to track coins and in effect can be even easier to track than cash.

    3. You can actually make a bunch of backups of the file that gives you access to your coins. You just can’t spend them twice is all.

    4. Not no risk – you burn electricity, cause wear on your hardware, and generate heat. All real costs for only a potential gain. Leave mining to the pros.

    5. Agree 100%


  2. So you suggest I replace my poorly-engineered, easily-hacked, Windows-based piece of shit with a poorly-engineered, easily-hacked, Apple-based piece of shit? Bitcoins sounds almost as retarded as this article and its author. I’ll keep my money in real currency thank you very much.

  3. If Bitcoin ever becomes important (in a broader sense than “interesting” or “promising”) to a large number of people who find it practical, it will be because enough people have made medium- and long-term commitments to deals denominated in Bitcoin: car loans, annuities (paying or receiving), supply contracts for goods or services, employment. That has to happen for people to be willing to use it for long-term purposes, and vice versa.

    So it’s a chicken-and-egg situation. Now what?

    It’s also a boot-strapping situation. Initially, only a few people in unusual or extreme situations are going to find it desirable. They find it extremely intriguing as a concept. They have a vested interest in the success of Bitcoin. Their country’s own currency has bad inflation.

    If it works long enough in those situations then it may expand into limited use by others who are not in that situation, but deal with those who are. For instance, if you have a business relationship with someone in Inflatistan, you may find it desirable or unavoidable to possess — at least briefly — a small quantity of Bitcoin, as you buy or sell goods across the Inflatistan border. Not as desirable or unavoidable as Inflatistanis have in dealing with each other, but some. If you’re also dealing with folks in Devalutopia where Bitcoin has likewise become a good alternative to their government’s money, you’d likely have even more Bitcoin on hand, and perhaps longer.

    But could it spread further than folks in the export-import business with people in toilet-paper currency? Don’t see many ways. Remittances send back to relatives in the Old Country by Inflatistanis and Devalutopians working abroad, perhaps. Those ideological/hobbyist/self-interested early adopters dealing with the export-import firms. Seems a bit weak.

    Maybe I lack imagination. There are lots of things — and will no doubt be more — that I would never have thought would work, or never thought of in the first place. Maybe some of them involve Bitcoin.

    I’ll keep watching.

    Anybody else have ideas? Someone who knows a lot about current and past Inflatistans — perhaps an Inflatistani — might have useful insights out of scholarship or personal experience.

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