the united states as rated by The Outside Joke

How Much We Care About Each State

We ran a little experiment to see which states were the least and most popular among the four of us in The Outside Joke. Everyone was given an Excel spreadsheet with all the states listed and was told to assign a numerical value between 1-100 for how much he likes each state. I averaged them all and put them in a Google Code chart so we could visualize the data.

The results are in! Green depicts the places we like the most and dark red depicts the places we like the least.

We don't care about the United States.

As you can see from the graphic above, we really don’t care about most of the United States. There’s a lot of red… just deserts of red. Given our jaded perspectives about life, it’s actually amazing that any state on our map is green.

Missouri, Nebraska, and Wisconsin shared the honor for the states we could not care less about while Hawaii, North Carolina, and California qualified as the states we like the most… or maybe it would be more appropriate to say they were the states that we dislike the least.

The Reddest States

Missouri: All I know about this state is that it is a boring state surrounded by more boring states. And even though I’ve never been there, I think it’s totally fair to make a judgment call like that. Yawn.

Nebraska: “I love endless, flat fields.” This is what people say in Nebraska when you ask them why they live there. And we think that is only a good philosophy if you are a fucking rabbit. Bonus sucky points for bordering Missouri.

Wisconsin: We’ve all seen Fargo and none of us wants to be murdered by Steve Buscemi, so I think it’s pretty obvious why we don’t like Wisconsin. Wait, Fargo is in North Dakota? OK, I don’t know why we hate it. But Steve Buscemi is pretty scary, isn’t he? Remember him in Con Air? Just talking about him makes me hate Wisconsin all over again.

The Greenest States

North Carolina: If you have ever gone to the little college town of Chapel Hill on Halloween and been a part of the 80,000 people setting fires in the streets, stealing gumball machines out of restaurants, doing keg stands in the front yard, and spotting a college student dressed as Spider Man avoiding cops by actually climbing into the trees… well then you know why we like this state.

California: We live here. And we’re biased. Would anyone like to smoke this legal joint?

Hawaii: Hawaii is shaded a sickly, infection-green. None of us has ever been to Hawaii, but we just imagine that it’s a better version of our lives where every lunch is served in a coconut and you can swat flies by shaking your hula skirt. And in the winter you can take your steel board and surf down the lava that seeps out of the volcanoes. These are the things we know about Hawaii.

The Worst State

We were able to agree on the three worst states overall, but we also each hated one state more than the rest. Here’s the state that each person dislikes the most.

Alec – Utah
“What is even happening there? Starting a state with a “u” is also really ugly, as far as aesthetics are concerned.

CC – Montana
“It’s really beautiful, but last time I was there I slipped on some ice and hit my knee pretty hard. It ripped my jeans pretty bad too and I hate buying new clothes.”

Chris – Kansas
“Kansas rhymes with ‘can’s ass.’ Also, on a spectrum of west to east, it’s the boring-est state on the planet.

Kyle – Wyoming
“Wyoming is like that unfortunate-looking kid in the 3rd grade that eats their own hairbrush and smells of someone else’s poop. Nobody bothers that kid because there’s just nothing to be done.”

by CC Pearce
a guy who really hasn’t traveled to that many states

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